at the beach in Malibu
another day well spent!
warm and happy, content like a cat

it was actually the first time since I moved here
that I went to the beach (except for the photo shoot, which was work)

back East, my favorite place to walk everyday, 
my sanctuary at all times, 
was the beach

as I said, when I moved here, 
I knew no one
I had only been here once in my life,
way back in 9th grade

I was taking a huge risk,
 and I was terrified

for months, then weeks, then days leading up to the move,
I was filled with anxiety and fear
(I really don't like using that word!
but seriously!)
literally everyone I knew was telling me
that I would be miserable,
that the people were horrible,
and that I would hate it here

how could I not have catastrophic expectations?
I had lived on the East Coast my whole life!
 I was leaving my son,
I had given up my apartment,
and put everything in storage 
for the day that I would move West
my entire life packed in a truck

I was leaving my solace, my sanctuary, 
the place I felt at home,
the beach

emotionally, I couldn't go to the beach here until now,
because I could not afford 
to miss what I had left
I had made my decision to move
and I was going to try my best to make it work

fortunately, I felt happy here immediately
I fell in love with LA,
the people, the weather, the vastness of the sky
and the breadth of space,
the pace, the creativity,
the natural enclaves within the urban setting,
the Hollywood sign,
the history
(including my history, my memories,
of all of the movies I have ever seen that have taken place here)

this whole time, I have never regretted moving,
but I never wanted to put my happiness to the test

today I realized I never had to worry,
my sanctuary had come with me

my home,
my solace, my sanctuary 
is not found in a place

it is within my heart

wherever I am, there it is