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Thank you!
Automediality is a key component of my artistic practice.
Automediality is a form of autobiography through media,
in real time, shaped by the media outlets utilized
this journal is one of my media outlets

please see the Automediality & Me page for more information

thank you for following along with me on my journey
follow me
to release the terror
clenching
with talons
within my breast
Love this space from last night 
want to shoot here


2019:  
Me:
Unihibited
Leroy Neiman for Playboy Magazine
home is when I am in your hands
in your hands, I am home
faced abondonment
to become embodied love

Leroy Neiman for Playboy Magazine
for you
self love
Tuesday: the lowest level of humidity I have experienced in LA
Today: the highest level of humidity I have experienced in LA


don't just make art,
be the art 

absolute desire
allows for complete surrender
to feelings
I only want to be in a place
of absolute surrender

I have never played chess
but I like this thought

current mood

last year I dreamt about the panther
and here she is

Good morning!
have a lot of writing to do today

Happy Valentine's Day! ❤️❤️

Leroy Neiman from the book:


I feel like I'm in Switzerland 🏔🏕

peak-a-boo

everything is so green after all the rains
more rain this week

while time marches on
I am not even angry
I just want to sleep well
and breathe fresh air
I just want to get out of here
I have actually had to move slower,
to be more methodical,
to make sure that I don't get hurt
from being sleep deprived
the worst part 
of all of this is that it is happening
when I am at my most vulnerable,
at the time,
when I am rightfully supposed
to be getting my rest,
rightfully supposed to be waking up
refreshed
I try to take one day at a time
as I work towards getting out of here
but the toxic smoke and noise
is truly unbearable

Fresh air and complete rest
are what keep me healthy
and I am being fed poisoned air
and noise pollution
at night - the time that 
my body is supposed to be
replenishing itself

I am sleep deprived
while breathing in toxic fumes
all night 
trying to pack everything up
during the day
and stay healthy

It is like subjecting someone who has cancer
to cigarette smoke,
giving someone adrenaline 
who has heart attacks,
feeding sugar to a diabetic



here I am,
with an opportunity,
to move forward,
without having to
plan, micromanage, strategize
without stress, fear, anxiety
the opportunity to surrender to my life,
carrying with me,
wherever I go,
all of my worldly possessions
in my heart



ahhh, here it is
not just #1,
the ability to become literally anyone or anything,
 but also #2,
the ability to project my own desires
onto a blank slate,
thereby creating my own reality



WWGS (what would google say)

John Locke in his Essay Concerning Human Understanding restated the importance of the experience of the senses over speculation and sets out the case that the human mind at birth is a complete, but receptive, blank slate ( scraped tablet or tabula rasa ) upon which experience imprints knowledge.
blank canvas
blank slate


there is no blank canvas quote
that fits my circumstances

it feels like I have been here before.
many times.

but it is not true
I have never been in this place
in front of the blank canvas
that is my life
without a plan
without fear

maybe this is why I am here again
another opportunity 
to surrender to my life
and live it
the way it was always meant to be lived 
what is next?
I don't know
no plan
no strategy
just into the void I go

dancing in the shop
with the rain outside

me too

inspiration

yes
go get her




Amber Valletta for Thierry Mugler, 1995
moi ce matin, sans la cigarette

California Dreamin'


Leroy Neiman for Playboy
Dear Diary, I had the most wonderful day...



more sweet hearts
❤️


the snow caps are more like a mantle today


😳🥶
wind chill 39


Playboy August 1965
true love 

today I am going to get my haircut
Leroy Neiman for Playboy



if you want to know my personality
just look at the Leroy Neiman illustrations of 
Femlin for Playboy

Femlin by Leroy Neiman for Playboy
I have been going through my collection
of vintage Playboys
to pack them up
and I met myself!
I love her! 


Nadia by Jean-Baptiste Mondino
inspiration for self portrait
(minus the pole)

all in black
full of color


erotic art by erotic artists

now that is love!

inspiration

pour it on
(Levi's)