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Thank you!
Automediality is a key component of my artistic practice.
Automediality is a form of autobiography through media,
in real time, shaped by the media outlets utilized
this journal is one of my media outlets
please see the Automediality & Me page for more information
thank you for following along with me on my journey
No.
I cannot provide
I cannot provide
any certificate
(of marriage or any other)
to commemorate
the consecration of my heart
no deed nor title
to corroborate
the right of possession
no proof
to validate the purchase
but if you need authentication,
verification, authorization,
or documentation,
cut open my breast
there you shall find confirmation
glowing in the dark
Kahlil Gibran on Love
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
A Red, Red Rose
By Robert Burns
O my Luve is like a red, red rose
That’s newly sprung in June;
O my Luve is like the melody
That’s sweetly played in tune.
So fair art thou, my bonnie lass,
So deep in luve am I;
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
Till a’ the seas gang dry.
Till a’ the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt wi’ the sun;
I will love thee still, my dear,
While the sands o’ life shall run.
And fare thee weel, my only luve!
And fare thee weel awhile!
And I will come again, my luve,
Though it were ten thousand mile.
How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.
Shakespeare
I choose this
for to be alone with this
is a far better choice for me
than to be alone
with another
who doesn't come close
to the one that is in my heart
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
There are those like me,
with a love like this,
even though they are alone,
even while with another
yes, I allowed myself
to see the possibility
that the love
has been mine alone
but what is that action
that I took anyway?
why did I even go there?
why did I even write that?
it isn't even how I feel
I don't even care how I look from the outside
or what people think of me
or maybe I have
maybe I have hidden my feelings
too
my love for him
outweighs
any personal desires
or expectations of him (A. Ellington)
In fact,
when it comes to him,
I have no expectations.
Yes, I desire to see him,
to be with him,
it is true.
The Universe knows that.
The Universe
also knows that I have never demanded
anything of him
that he didn't give on his own terms.
For as long as I have known him,
it has been this way for me
For as long as I have known him,
it has been this way for me
Right now
I am operating on very little sleep
A band has rented the downstairs space
with no soundproofing
They start playing at 12am and continue through the morning
They smoke heavily and the toxic fumes
seep through my floor
I have had 2 flare ups in the past 2.5 weeks
because of it
Generally I can go a month and a half
to two months
without having one.
It is very bad timing for me
with my show coming up
But I know sometimes
change comes for me at the times
when my plate is the fullest
This show is so important to me
and I want to stay well
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