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Thank you!
Automediality is a key component of my artistic practice.
Automediality is a form of autobiography through media,
in real time, shaped by the media outlets utilized
this journal is one of my media outlets

please see the Automediality & Me page for more information

thank you for following along with me on my journey
follow me

started singing lessons
being reminded of all the songs
I love

such a happy somg

one of my all time favorites

looking up on the way down

view from the top

after the rains came

my guitar man

Karl Lagerfeld
so inspired by your amazing life
thank you for leaving
such an amazing legacy of beauty and creativity 

love this Mugler ad

looking at you
looking at me

ending may be unplanned
but I know that it will be a happy one
love how this song always plays
 when I am wandering the hills
wondering about life

"I am unwritten...
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned..."
another chilly blustery morning in the hills

what more could a man ask for
a woman who loves who she is
when she is with him 

working the designs out
in my mind

getting some work done
my eyes get caught by the beauty of the light
ever present
even in overcast skies

portrait by Zac Yonekawa

Portrait of me by Zac Yonekawa
of a portrait of me by Darren Goins

love this
how far is it again?
women's intuition
heard this song last night
forgot all about it
good memories

lots of art around LA this week

how is it that I feel such peace and serenity
when the need for surrender is so
all consuming
to be fearless 
about fearlessness 

How do I totally and completely surrender my whole being to my life so that I can truly live? How do I fling myself into the void so that I may shed all of what is not me? How do I tear my heart from my chest and offer it up to the ravening gods of love and destruction so that I may be transformed? How do I burn the flesh off my body so that I may be seared by the flames of the raging fire in my soul? How do I strip my spirit of all my masks and rid my person of all the contortions of self-annihilation so that the purity of the depths of me blinds me with its piercing rays? How do I rise from this burning agony, this hell of my own making, with the buoyancy of joy thrumming through my veins so that I am lifted out of this miasma of horror? How do I reveal all that is me in every single god given moment of this precious gift that is my life? How do I do it God? Show me the way! Throw me to the lions so they may maul, gnash and devour every last ounce of my self-tyranny.  Beat me to a pulp in the grinder, and hold the cover down tightly whilst I'm in the pulsating, crushing machine so that I may drain the remaining poisoned liquids of self-hatred and self-abnegation from my essence
purify me NOW
 so that I may LIVE in passion
so that I may LOVE with abandonment
to release the terror
with talons
within my breast
Love this space from last night 
want to shoot here

Leroy Neiman for Playboy Magazine
home is when I am in your hands
in your hands, I am home
faced abondonment
to become embodied love

Leroy Neiman for Playboy Magazine
for you
self love
Tuesday: the lowest level of humidity I have experienced in LA
Today: the highest level of humidity I have experienced in LA

don't just make art,
be the art 

absolute desire
allows for complete surrender
to feelings
I only want to be in a place
of absolute surrender

I have never played chess
but I like this thought

current mood

last year I dreamt about the panther
and here she is

Good morning!
have a lot of writing to do today

Happy Valentine's Day! ❤️❤️

Leroy Neiman from the book:

I feel like I'm in Switzerland 🏔🏕


everything is so green after all the rains
more rain this week

while time marches on
I am not even angry
I just want to sleep well
and breathe fresh air
I just want to get out of here
I have actually had to move slower,
to be more methodical,
to make sure that I don't get hurt
from being sleep deprived
the worst part 
of all of this is that it is happening
when I am at my most vulnerable,
at the time,
when I am rightfully supposed
to be getting my rest,
rightfully supposed to be waking up
I try to take one day at a time
as I work towards getting out of here
but the toxic smoke and noise
is truly unbearable

Fresh air and complete rest
are what keep me healthy
and I am being fed poisoned air
and noise pollution
at night - the time that 
my body is supposed to be
replenishing itself

I am sleep deprived
while breathing in toxic fumes
all night 
trying to pack everything up
during the day
and stay healthy

It is like subjecting someone who has cancer
to cigarette smoke,
giving someone adrenaline 
who has heart attacks,
feeding sugar to a diabetic

here I am,
with an opportunity,
to move forward,
without having to
plan, micromanage, strategize
without stress, fear, anxiety
the opportunity to surrender to my life,
carrying with me,
wherever I go,
all of my worldly possessions
in my heart

ahhh, here it is
not just #1,
the ability to become literally anyone or anything,
 but also #2,
the ability to project my own desires
onto a blank slate,
thereby creating my own reality

WWGS (what would google say)

John Locke in his Essay Concerning Human Understanding restated the importance of the experience of the senses over speculation and sets out the case that the human mind at birth is a complete, but receptive, blank slate ( scraped tablet or tabula rasa ) upon which experience imprints knowledge.
blank canvas
blank slate

there is no blank canvas quote
that fits my circumstances

it feels like I have been here before.
many times.

but it is not true
I have never been in this place
in front of the blank canvas
that is my life
without a plan
without fear

maybe this is why I am here again
another opportunity 
to surrender to my life
and live it
the way it was always meant to be lived 
what is next?
I don't know
no plan
no strategy
just into the void I go

dancing in the shop
with the rain outside

me too


go get her

Amber Valletta for Thierry Mugler, 1995
moi ce matin, sans la cigarette

California Dreamin'

Leroy Neiman for Playboy
Dear Diary, I had the most wonderful day...