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Thank you!
Automediality is a key component of my artistic practice.
Automediality is a form of autobiography through media,
in real time, shaped by the media outlets utilized
this journal is one of my media outlets

please see the Automediality & Me page for more information

thank you for following along with me on my journey
follow me
fulfilled
with unconditional
self love
as I stand here
at the base of the mountain,
I realize
that I have unconditional love 
in my life

for myself
I am just
Done
I am not even afraid
and I don't even care
that I don't know
do I know where I am going from here?
no, I don't
I feel so strongly
that my grandmother
has been there for me
because of my belief in love
she lost the love of her life
in a plane crash 
in WWII
she was left behind 
with her 2 children
I know now
that she never got over him
so she has been standing by me
all this time
because of love

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I will do it
because it is what I want
more than anything in the world

to love
and to be loved
unconditionally

then,
the careful
dismount
off the mountain,
slowly 
but surefootedly
down
to him,
the he
that sees
me
as I see him

unconditionally
having reached the summit,
I will look down
at all I have 
overcome
I am not alone
I only feel like I am alone
because I am at the base of the mountain
the gown shows up
in one way or another
to support my choices
always signifying something major
this time,
on my grandmother's birthday
sign on sign,
that she is with me
I am not alone
I know that
but I feel so alone
so much work to be done
I am at the base of the mountain
one I do not want to climb
the choice:
unconditional love
or 
more of this
stripping my self bare
down to the core
so that what is revealed
is my soul
that he sees

without projection
yes
to look in his eyes
and see that he sees me
with unconditional love

that is my choice
I love you, Monica
I love you too, Monica

no, I do not choose this
I choose love
I choose my self
and this is not
loving my self

more of a question posed
is this what you want?
look at the direction you will be going in
if you stay here.
here is a sampling 
of what your life will be like
from now on.
yes, outer circumstances
yet the choice was not taken away from me
by fire or earthquake
yet, at the same time,
brought on by circumstances out of my control.
The Band Below
outer circumstances
unbearable noise
unbearable smell of cigar mixed with marijuana
at least now,
it is my choice
if I am going to move again
I cannot take all of this with me
I had thought to already be stripped
of worldly possessions
but I have lied to myself
I have kept so much
held on to so much
it seems that I am never done
shedding skin after skin
after skin

to look into another's eyes
and see my self
exactly as I am,

not as a collage 
of all the women in his past

just me
as love
Anoint Me Now (AP8, 13 Dec 18)

you gushed
through my hollow place.
Anoint me now! Stream down
this broken necklace
of dangling pearls
from throat to thigh.
Unite the sea and the setting sun.
Rumi
Yes it is Babe
and my life will never be the same
thank you
doing the show
was another 
lifechanging event,
just as I had felt it was going to be
Post Internet Art
What Do You See? (13 Dec 2018)

view of Miami Beach from SCOPE
With This Thread, I Thee Wed (2018)
my favorite piece from my show

of being claimed
body, mind, heart
and soul
🔥
my finger is sore 
from writing prescriptions
at The Broken Heart Repair Shop
⛑💉🌡
Andrew Wyeth
current mood

back home!
it's definitely Winter here
so funny to see everyone dressed
in black puffers and winter clothes in the airport
when it's 60 degrees
☃️❄️⛄️🌬🌨
see you Miami!
🙋🏻‍♀️✈️
thanks for all the good lovin 
🥰😘
sharing my love & joy
and my healed self
is so beautiful
so happy!!
there are some
really beautiful people 
in this world
and by beautiful people
I mean
beautiful hearts
Opening Day!

Come see me at
Satellite Art Show
18 NW 14th St
Miami
4-11 pm
☺️🙋🏻‍♀️❤️
good morning 💝
it's going to be another amazing day
I feel it
what a beautiful evening
looking forward to my tree house
big day tomorrow!
I'm so glad it's warm
I don't even care that it's humid
I love all the openings
all the people
all the art
☺️
and dressing up of course
I feel so happy and so full of joy
I love my container
I did a really good job planning how to make it work
magnets are the best!
so happy!
having so much fun
looking at all the art
☺️
it's a love nest
🌙✨💘
just got back to my treehouse
it's not just a treehouse
it's a nest in a treehouse
so happy
☺️
I am so happy to be here
🙋🏻‍♀️
✈️
🌡💉
💔➡️❤️
omg,
I am SO happy 
I am wearing a vintage jumpsuit (see Instagram) this morning
The lady at TSA asked me to unzip and take off my jacket
I said, "You definitely don't want me to do that"
😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭
Hey Peeps!! 

The party is about to begin!
I didnt bring my computer with me
so if you want to follow along with me visually,
check out my Instagram and
Instagram Stories
🙋🏻‍♀️😘
I was quoted on curatious yesterday
Jean-Jacques Henner
current mood
yes
I am so happy right now

I am so excited for my show!
getting to work on my last pieces
in my favorite artist fashion,
the jumpsuit!
this one took me all through
my time at SCAD 
here I am last night
trying to stay well and fall asleep
while the band sounds like a nightclub
and smells like a toxic waste dump
“An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, 
regardless of time, place, or circumstances.
 The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break.” 
– Ancient Chinese Proverb

I have a strange feeling with regard to you. As if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly knotted to a similar string in you. And if you were to leave I'm afraid that cord of communion would snap. And I have a notion that I'd take to bleeding inwardly.

Rochester

it's pouring rain
but it's definitely a
sunnier day today
looking forward to my tree house
in Miami
strolling down Rodeo Drive,
listening to Christmas music
after the party
a beautiful evening
Love this collection from Valentino
very 1970s Paris
gift bag from ABC
ABC holiday party
utterly exhausted
and worn out

but free
me as I am
with my heart in my sleeve
no longer hidden

and the sun is shining
drying my tears
and healing my soul
have to get some tea
if I can stop weeping
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I am just junk right now
and here is my confirmation

Till a’ the seas gang dry
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart
All of these things love has done unto me,
and I now know the secrets of my heart


No.

 I cannot provide
any certificate
(of marriage or any other)
to commemorate 
the consecration of my heart
no deed nor title 
to corroborate
the right of possession
no proof 
to validate the purchase

but if you need authentication,
verification, authorization,
or documentation, 


cut open my breast
there you shall find confirmation

 glowing in the dark
o my heart,
wherever you lead me,
I will follow
for you are the truth of me
I am me
because of you
my heart,
I am never alone
for what lies in you
is all of me

😭😭😭😭😭😭
😭😭😭😭😭
Kahlil Gibran on Love

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
Kahlil Gibran and Mary Haskell Painting by Kahlil Gibran

A Red, Red Rose 

By Robert Burns

O my Luve is like a red, red rose
   That’s newly sprung in June;
O my Luve is like the melody
   That’s sweetly played in tune.

So fair art thou, my bonnie lass,
   So deep in luve am I;
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
   Till a’ the seas gang dry.

Till a’ the seas gang dry, my dear,
   And the rocks melt wi’ the sun;
I will love thee still, my dear,
   While the sands o’ life shall run.

And fare thee weel, my only luve!
   And fare thee weel awhile!
And I will come again, my luve,
   Though it were ten thousand mile.

How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.
Shakespeare

I choose this 
for to be alone with this
is a far better choice for me
than to be alone
with another
who doesn't come close
to the one that is in my heart
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, 
it keeps no record of wrongs. 
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 
 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 
There are those like me,
with a love like this,
even though they are alone,
even while with another 

all of what has been happening
has put me in the place
of being stripped 
of self-protective mechanisms
allowing me to connect
with the truth that lies within my core
that which I am to express in my show
the clearing out of my studio,
the exhaustion from the noise,
 the reaction of my body to the toxic smoke,
I understand their significance
I understand why it is happening now
it is true,
I am healed
but this show
is not about what is gone,
it is about what remains
now I see,
this show is not
"A Clean Bill of Health"
I know my process
well enough to know
that there has been a reason why
I have not been able to finish my work
for this show
Instead
I have been cleaning my studio,
purging my space
of possessions I no longer need


hearts forever true
😭😭😭😭😭😭
😭😭😭😭😭
I know.
There are others
like me
who carry in their hearts,
the hearts
that belong to the loves of their lives
even though
they are not with them

this is where my writing leads me
to the truth of what lies in my soul
so I can express it in my work
so that others can feel,
not just my feelings,
but their own
I am weeping
from this revelation
that I must bare my soul 
to all
to share this love that I feel
to tell the truth
all that I have hidden
from others,
from everyone but myself
to be alone,
and single
and yet with a love
in my heart
for the love of my life
for the husband of my heart


now I am here
to express the depths
of my love
for him

that which has made me
who I am
I have been able to 
express the depths of my pain
in my work,
but that is gone