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Thank you!

Automediality is a key component of my artistic practice.

Automediality is a form of autobiography through media,

in real time, shaped by the media outlets utilized

this journal is one of my media outlets

please see the Automediality & Me page for more information

thank you for following along with me on my journey

follow me

to release the terror

clenching

with talons

within my breast

Love this space from last night 

want to shoot here

2019:  

Me:

Unihibited

Leroy Neiman for Playboy Magazine

home is when I am in your hands
in your hands, I am home

faced abondonment

to become embodied love

Leroy Neiman for Playboy Magazine

for you

self love

Tuesday: the lowest level of humidity I have experienced in LA

Today: the highest level of humidity I have experienced in LA

don't just make art,

be the art 

absolute desire

allows for complete surrender

to feelings

I only want to be in a place

of absolute surrender

I have never played chess

but I like this thought

current mood

last year I dreamt about the panther

and here she is

Good morning!

have a lot of writing to do today

Happy Valentine's Day! ❤️❤️

Leroy Neiman from the book:

I feel like I'm in Switzerland 🏔🏕

peak-a-boo

everything is so green after all the rains

more rain this week

while time marches on

I am not even angry

I just want to sleep well

and breathe fresh air

I just want to get out of here

I have actually had to move slower,

to be more methodical,

to make sure that I don't get hurt

from being sleep deprived

the worst part 

of all of this is that it is happening

when I am at my most vulnerable,

at the time,

when I am rightfully supposed

to be getting my rest,

rightfully supposed to be waking up

refreshed

I try to take one day at a time

as I work towards getting out of here

but the toxic smoke and noise

is truly unbearable

Fresh air and complete rest

are what keep me healthy

and I am being fed poisoned air

and noise pollution

at night - the time that 

my body is supposed to be

replenishing itself

I am sleep deprived

while breathing in toxic fumes

all night 

trying to pack everything up

during the day

and stay healthy

It is like subjecting someone who has cancer

to cigarette smoke,

giving someone adrenaline 

who has heart attacks,

feeding sugar to a diabetic

here I am,

with an opportunity,

to move forward,

without having to

plan, micromanage, strategize

without stress, fear, anxiety

the opportunity to surrender to my life,

carrying with me,
wherever I go,

all of my worldly possessions

in my heart

ahhh, here it is

not just #1,

the ability to become literally anyone or anything,

 but also #2,

the ability to project my own desires

onto a blank slate,

thereby creating my own reality

WWGS (what would google say)

John Locke in his Essay Concerning Human Understanding restated the importance of the experience of the senses over speculation and sets out the case that the human mind at birth is a complete, but receptive, blank slate ( scraped tablet or tabula rasa ) upon which experience imprints knowledge.

blank canvas

blank slate

there is no blank canvas quote

that fits my circumstances

it feels like I have been here before.

many times.

but it is not true

I have never been in this place

in front of the blank canvas

that is my life

without a plan

without fear

maybe this is why I am here again

another opportunity 

to surrender to my life

and live it

the way it was always meant to be lived 

what is next?

I don't know

no plan

no strategy

just into the void I go

dancing in the shop

with the rain outside

me too

inspiration

yes

go get her

Amber Valletta for Thierry Mugler, 1995

moi ce matin, sans la cigarette

California Dreamin'

Leroy Neiman for Playboy

Dear Diary, I had the most wonderful day...

more sweet hearts

❤️

the snow caps are more like a mantle today

😳🥶

wind chill 39

Playboy August 1965

true love 

today I am going to get my haircut

Leroy Neiman for Playboy

if you want to know my personality

just look at the Leroy Neiman illustrations of 

Femlin for Playboy

Femlin by Leroy Neiman for Playboy

I have been going through my collection

of vintage Playboys

to pack them up

and I met myself!

I love her! 

Nadia by Jean-Baptiste Mondino

inspiration for self portrait

(minus the pole)

all in black

full of color

erotic art by erotic artists

now that is love!

inspiration

pour it on

(Levi's)