I am a one man woman

I cannot love someone
and be with another

from my own experience
and from what I have observed,
it always ends in disaster


if I am in love with someone
I am not willing to go out with another
just because I am single

 in a situation like this,
even if the person is not aware
that there exists someone else for
you in your heart,
they feel something is wrong
it tortures them emotionally

in the end,
they think it is something that they have done
and they start to pressure you
to prove to them
that you love them

but nothing will ever be enough
because no matter how nice and good and kind
the new relationship is
when your heart is still with another
you can never be fully present
and they don't understand why
you will constantly have to
find ways to prove your love to them

if the person is aware
of the previous relationship
the situation is even more fraught with tension,
rife with problems
you can say terrible things about this previous relationship,
about the other
you can even say you hate them
and the person will believe you
they have to in order to believe that you love them

but, in the back of their mind,
they sense something
they will always wonder
they will always question
whether you are telling the truth about the other
after all, even if they know about the other
they only know what you have told them

always, the person will have
doubts and insecurities
because of those doubts and insecurities
you will be expected to go overboard
to prove yourself to them
to the relationship
they will wield the biggest weapon of all
believing that if you truly loved them
you will prove it
by marrying them

or, if you are already married
they will threaten you with divorce
 no matter what,
if your heart is with another,
nothing you do will ever be enough


these are the things that make
a situation like this
and it ends in disaster,
sometimes after a short period of time,
sometimes years later

because what happens after the years pass
is that the yearning for the other
the one that is still in your heart
gets stronger and stronger
along with feelings of regret,
with wonderings about whether you made a mistake

and if you have,
it stays with you until you die

I feel the reason for all of this
is that the strength of love
and the needs of the heart
are underestimated


I have spoken from my own experience

knowing what I know
having experienced and observed
what I have
I cannot love someone
and be with another

it would be like committing a crime

I am not willing
to harm another
or my heart
in this way
and suffer the consequences of my actions

I also know that the heart
does heal on its own
it's not the presence of another
that heals the heart
it is the healing of the heart
that brings another
into your life

until my heart has healed,
I stay true 
even if I am not with the one I love

even if I am alone 

I see love as something rare and powerful
a gift
one that I cannot and will not turn away