it was an eye opening weekend for me
painfully so

I realized that I have become so immune
 to wanting
that I no longer know how to want
I understand that to achieve this state
is part of being a Buddhist
but I am not a Buddhist

I see now
why I have not bounced back
when others I know
have done so quickly
they wanted to
they want their lives and
 their material possessions to reflect who they are

today I understood 
that if I want to be successful
that I have to be able to want

success does come with financial rewards
material gains
if I don't learn how to want
that for myself
only I alone thwart my success

today I read about it
"a sense of reward must follow action
or your light will simply extinguish.."