(I don't usually go back and put my thoughts into one post
For this one, I felt I needed to)

I am getting so excited for my trip to ABMB
I feel so strongly that this trip
is going to be a major turning point for me
in my life
I am such a happy and loving person
and I will get to share that with all
that I meet
I will get to shine the way I have always
wanted to
I love myself
and who I am
I love the way I feel,
the way I look,
and I love my body
I could never have imagined 
that I could ever love who I am
and that it could happen for
me at this point in my life
but it has
becoming visible
as me
is just as important to me
on this trip
as showing my work is
I have always thought
that I would be sharing my life
with someone and that he would be here
to share in my entrée
but I see now
that it is supposed to be
just me
everything I ever dreamed
would be for me as a young girl
is coming to be,
and this is just the beginning
I feel in the depths of my heart
that I will be connecting
with people because of my happy self and loving and giving heart
as much as I will connect with them
because of my art
and my personal style
at this moment
I feel an incredible 
lightness of being
with a smile of happiness on my face
and a heart full of joy
the time has come
for me to fulfill my purpose in life
to step out from behind the curtain
to discard my shell
to shed my dead skin
the time has come for me
to stop hiding
the time has come
for me
to be on the outside
as I am on the inside
the time has come for me
to be the person I have been with only one other,
the true me that only one has seen
the time has come
for me
to reveal
right now, in this moment, 
I am aware
that this is what life has been 
preparing me for,
for the past 10 years
I have been stripped 
of everything,
every outer desire and wish,
every personal dream,
every thought of how I wanted life to be
all that I have been through
has stripped
of all humiliation
and shame
everything outer that has defined me,
that I have used to define me,
that I have used as a protective mechanism,
an excuse to hide,
is gone
for the past 10 years,
I have lived the life of an ascetic,
having been stripped of 
absolutely everything 
but for what lies in my heart,
in my soul
there is nothing left of me
but my core

and my core 
is love

the time has come
for me
to reveal
the time has come
for me
to be

25 november 2018
8:33am PST