I have been writing in silence for the past 5 years
no spoken words have I been able to share
rendered deaf-mute
by circumstance
relying on my 
keypad to convey
the deepest expression of my heart and soul
employing telepathy
conversing through the ether
feeling the unspoken words of the heart
enabling me
to hear to listen and to understand
to be there
and to give
I have been writing academic these past 5 years
in a most nonacademic way
battling with restriction
that would have me filled with dust
stranding me
parched in the desert
rigorously opposed to rhetoric
determined to have my say
encouraged by my professor
to speak my truth
footnotes, bibliography, sources, citing
the only rules to obey
Blood Pen  Bob Partington
I have been fortunate to be able to use this time
to learn how to unleash my emotions through my writing
it has been essential to be able to convey precise meaning
with full expression
both academically and personally

I have had to learn not to edit, to conceal
but to reveal

to be naked in words

for they are written
 in the ink of my blood, sweat and tears
even so
in a way
it has been safe

I have felt safe

expressing to those to whom 
I chose to reveal

this is different
writing my living everyday
not memoir
autobiography in motion

nonetheless, it must be done
I want to move forward
my words are essential to my creativity
to all my avenues of self expression
they ground me in today
propelling me
towards tomorrow
they inspire me
they prepare me
for what is to come
when I don't yet know what that is
they reveal to me the patterns 
and show me the way

always, I allow my words to flow
imperative, essential to 
my personal correspondence
 expressing my deepest feelings 
in hopes that the truth of them
 would be felt as well as read

the risk is equal

for if I could reveal myself wholly
to one
(the one whose loss I could not bear)
if I could reveal myself wholly
hand in hand with my fear

then I can reveal myself here